Let’s get one thing straight: autistic meltdowns suck. They suck for the autistic person having the meltdown; they suck for anyone witnessing the meltdown; even the terminology surrounding autistic meltdowns suck. **Yes, this is a warning that some of the wording featured in this article may seem a tad offensive**
However, while this usually makes me believe that the less time spent speaking about autistic meltdowns the better, one of my recent meltdowns had me thinking: ‘What exactly is an autistic meltdown and, do people really understand what they feel like for the autistic person – you know; besides that they suck?’
What Happens in the Lead-up to an Autistic Meltdown?
Let it be known that the autistic mind is a fantastic place. Whereas non-autistic people are great at making little connections across a range of different topics, the autistic mind loves to dig deep and discover everything it can about one specific subject. This is the reason autistic people can often come across as obsessive/highly informed, however, this fantastic mind also comes with a catch.
Due to what can only be described as the ultimate thirst for knowledge, autistic people are a lot more likely to become overwhelmed than those without the condition as, when put in a position where information conflicts with the tightly linked understanding that our brains have built up, we become uncertain, lost and subsequently panicked.
While I’m not particularly fond of comparing autistic people to machines, I have seen the beginning of an autistic meltdown quite accurately likened to how most people react to something going wrong with a computer – where instead of letting the computer/the problem calm down, a person/the autistic mind will continue to put in demands: throwing everything they know at it in the hope that they will miraculously fix it.
As most know by now, this usually has the opposite effect as, during this build up (also known as the rumble phase), things go from ‘uh-oh’ to ‘oh-no’ in a split second.
What is an Autistic Meltdown?
Interestingly, although most people see autistic meltdowns as explosive, unpredictable and, in some cases, abnormal, the basic premise of these destructive-day-ruiners actually goes back to one of the most common principles across all species: the ‘flight or fight’ response.
In the case of an autistic meltdown, this refers to the point where our minds stop trying to struggle against the uncertain and, to return to the computer comparison, reboot themselves in the most natural state: during which adrenaline levels are raised significantly and we lose all sense of control, as our fail-safe tells us to get the hell out of there – via whatever method possible.
Fight mode: Potentially the most challenging outcome out of the fight or flight response, many autistic people can become extremely hostile during a meltdown as our bodies wake up, ready to do battle – unaware that the problem is not physical. Instead, this can lead an autistic person to blindly target whatever is in our surroundings, be it an inanimate object, a family member or even ourselves.
As such, during this time autistic people can sometimes become unpredictable: as the lack of control, due to the reliance on our instinct and the confusion from not having a definitive answer, can lead us to involuntary cause harm to those we love. Similarly, autistic people can also target themselves at this time, a problem which is only made worse by a higher pain tolerance due to the increased adrenaline.
Flight mode: Alternatively, some autists may take the initiative to try and break free from what is causing them stress, by doing their best to get as far away as possible from it. Like the ‘fight’ response, this natural reaction was intended to be used for physical threats and subsequently means that we are can become trapped, trying to literally outrun our problems.
Due to this, instead of travelling great distances during a flight response, many autistic people can begin screaming or flailing their limbs – in an effort to reduce the excess of adrenaline and also distract our minds from its current complication.
Secret Option: Freeze
There is however a third option outside of fight or flight, and that is to freeze. To put it back into context with the computer comparison, this is when our minds get overloaded and, instead of rebooting, simply stand still; fixated on a single function – not getting any worse and certainly not getting any better.
During this stage, an autistic mind can feel like it is in the middle of a tug of war match between Popeye (post-spinach) and Arnold Schwarzenegger (pre-inexplicably becoming the governor of California) i.e. we are stuck trying to move on from the original problem, but we are immobilised by its lack of resolution.
At this time, many autistic people may try and seek comfort in simple things we associate with safety: toys, places and people, or it may manifest in a more noticeable way, such as: rocking back and forth or pacing up and down.
A Meltdown is NOT a Tantrum
I know it sounds dramatic, but even after years of experience with meltdowns, each one still feels like the worst: everything feels risen within me, I can feel my heart pulsing in the back of my throat, my head stings constantly and I want to run and never stop, while also feeling like I’m going to collapse and sink right through the floor.
Personally, during a meltdown I fidget more than usual and apply extra pressure to my clenched fists (which, on more than one occasion, has caused me to break the skin on my palms or fingertips). I have tried telling myself that whatever is bothering me won’t in a few hours/days, but the thoughts end up piling on top of each other and my head winds up feeling heavier than it already did.
The reason I tell you this isn’t because I want to you to understand what an autistic meltdown feels like (although it definitely should), but because, despite the distress meltdowns cause for an autistic person, people still feel like this is something we choose to do – or at least that’s what is insinuate when they compare a meltdown to a tantrum – something which is entirely intentional.
If there’s one thing I would like you to take away from today’s article, it is just that. Autistic people don’t have meltdowns because we can’t get our own way, but because we have lost ours. A meltdown is completely out of our control and, as such, people need to stop blaming the autistic person or the family members of the autistic person for meltdowns happening.
And, on that note, autists and those around an autist also need to stop blaming themselves for an autistic meltdown when it happens – as the damage caused is just an unfortunate response to our dependence on an ancient instinct.
For this reason, it should also be stated that, if you are caught in the crossfire during a meltdown, please remember the autistic person didn’t mean to do you any harm; it’s just that our brains have told us to attack without a sense of direction and our mind is confusing people we know to be friends with the potential foes responsible for the initial shutdown.
Carry on the Conversation
Today’s article covered some pretty heavy stuff and without reading the brilliant ‘From Anxiety to Meltdown’ by Deborah Lipsky (link here), I don’t think I would have known nearly half as much. So please check that out after finishing here. Also, if you are wondering why I didn’t cover any coping techniques for autistic meltdowns today, you’ll be happy to known that this is because I have already posted an article covering just that. So, if that is something you are interested in, then follow this link to view my 5 Tips to Avoid Overloading/Autistic Meltdown
As always, I can also be found on Twitter @AutismRevised and via my email: AutisticandUnapologetic@gmail.com.
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Thank you for reading and I will see you next Saturday for more thoughts from across the spectrum.
