Picture this, it’s 2010 and a retail working James has just discovered that, not only are those debaucherous office Christmas parties a possibility for people who don’t work in offices, but, if you find yourself working at a shop or in a bar over the festive period then, just because you don’t hear any mention of an office party that doesn’t mean there won’t be one waiting for you in January.
It was a nonsensical moment which our plucky protagonist rose to by cancelling last minute and hiding in his room. While this felt like the only option at the time, it led to him feeling isolated throughout the evening of the event, in the days at work after it and subsequently wondering if the reason other people got more opportunities than him afterwards, was because he was now seen as ‘flakey’.
So how could this have been different and how can those in similar circumstances avoid this fate?
When to Plan (And When Not To):
Do you know what your options are for getting home when all the taxis are unavailable? Do you know what to do when Authur from finance wants to introduce his butt to the photocopier? The Christmas office party is unpredictable and, for many autistic people, this level of unpredictability can often get the better of us (whether that be the way people dress up, speak at a much louder volumes put on stronger smelling perfumes/aftershaves).
This is why, when it comes to planning for Christmas parties, it’s best to focus on distinct aspects that can control on the night and let these certainties frame the rest of your evening. For example:
- Who can you arrive with (so you do not feel overwhelmed at the door)?
- What and when will you be eating (if it’s not something you like, you can always avoid the food and arrive afterwards)?
- Where can you find a place to break when the sounds get too much (the toilets/the smoking area?)?
- What do you do when the original escape plan goes wrong?
- How do end a conversation with drunk Maurice from HR who ‘also has a cousin that is on the altruistic plectrum pre-order’?
[Furthermore, It’s also worth considering how to you are going to handle the aftermath of a Christmas party, something which is best done by taking a day off to recharge your batteries – While for some this may come at the cost of your valuable holiday allowance, there are some employers who will treat this as medical leave]
Where to Swerve Social Snafus:
Most autistic people are worse than the Titanic at breaking the ice and, when we do wind up in conversation, we have a habit of saying something that makes us wish we could hit rewind faster than a teen boy who just seen DiCaprio paint Winslet like one of his ‘French girls’.
This is a challenge in the deceiving presence of the office party, where it’s relaxed atmosphere masks many unspoken rules, like not talking to people from work about work (which is considered boring) and, while you would think there was a wealth of dialogue to mine from subjects like money, politics and religion, it turns out these are also too controversial to bring up in a public setting.
It sounds complicated but the simple solution is to be yourself and be comfortable with who that is. If that bores people you’re speaking with then so be it. Your colleague doesn’t have to be a friend and, similarly, if you find a conversation offensive or uncomfortable, it’s not you who is socially awkward if you walk away.
Why Bother in the First Place?
With all that said and done, you are probably thinking ‘why bother in the first place?’. After all, with so many autism unfriendly aspects, the office party can seem more like a cruel punishment than an opportunity to relax after a tough year. However, don’t be deterred because, the office party is a night for fun and, if you give it a shot, you might enjoy it more than you think.
Yes, it will take it’s a toll on the autistic body, no, it may not seem like your idea of fun at the time, but it can be a great opportunity to connect and find a deeper friendship with these people you spend so much time with. Furthermore, if planned well, there are usually some entertaining experiences on offer at an office party and, at the the end of the day, it’s only for one night.
Remember, although this is a work-related event, you are there of your own accord, which means if you don’t want to do something like dancing or drinking then you don’t have to. This free choice also encompasses whether you attend or not but when the decision is between showing your face for 5 minutes or regretting it for 5 years I know which I would choose.
Carry on the Conversation:
What are your top tips for surving work’s christmas party. Let me know in the comments below. And, if you would like to hear more about how you can make Christmas a better time for autsitic people, then follow this link to my article on 5 Tips for Creating an Autism-Friendly Christmas.
As always, I can also be found on Twitter @AutismRevised and via my email: AutisticandUnapologetic@gmail.com.
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Thank you for reading and I will see you next Saturday for more thoughts from across the spectrum.
